Professional accountants get teased a lot about their profession and personality, but we know how integral they are to the success of your business. We hope this jokes give you a small chuckle and remind you that although accountants may have a certain reputation, we’d all be lost without their key financial insights into the day-t0-day operations of our organizations.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.”  The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your girlfriend for an entire week.”

The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll marry you, cook your meals, and do your laundry.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you that I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll marry you, I’ll cook your meals and even do your laundry. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The man said, “Look, I’m an accountant. I don’t have time for a wife, but a talking frog is cool!”

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks
you embezzled from me?”

The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the money is.” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars were. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about,” The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the money is!”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!” The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

A local restaurant was so sure its massive Sumo chef was the strongest man around, they had a standing $1,000.00 offer that the chef would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and then hand the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze just one more drop of juice out of the lemon would walk away with the money. Many people had tried, including weight lifters and longshoremen, but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came in and said in a tiny squeaky voice, “I’d like to try it”. After the laughter had died down the chef said, “OK.”

He grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and one by one 6 drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd erupted into cheering, the chef paid the $1,000.00 and asked, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a builder’s labourer or what?”

He adjusted his glasses on his nose and said, “I work for the Tax Department”.